I was thinking all day yesterday about what to say, about wanting to say thank you to my husband, and to all of his friends for their service and their sacrifice, but I can’t seem to come up with the right kind of sentiment, I woke up to this on NPR yesterday morning:
“The nation’s been quick to tell veterans how grateful it is. Nine out of 10 veterans who served in Iraq or Afghanistan told Pew researchers someone has thanked them for their service. At the same time, 84 percent say the public doesn’t understand the problems that military families face. Longtime war correspondent Tom Ricks worries about the widening gap between the one percent of Americans who now fight our wars and the 99 percent who are increasingly detached from military service.
I’m always struck when I’m in that part of America where nobody knows anybody in the military and they’re still sort of puzzled about why people do this and what it means. Then there’s other parts of the country, usually around bases, where everybody knows somebody, and it simply is a different America.”
I’m a part of that 99% too. I grew up in a place and in a sociology where I was detached from the military experience. I did not, and could not understand what would make someone feel like their best option was to enlist in the military.
And then I married a veteran.
I wasn’t with Duane when he was in the military; we were in wholly different places. When Duane enlisted in the army, I was a freshman in high school. When I was getting ready to go to college, and trying to figure out what to do with my life, he was in the Airborne Ranger Battalion jumping out of planes. When I was finishing up college, and going to graduate school, Duane was in the EOD unit defusing roadside bombs in Iraq. And when 9/11 happened, it was just another day in my world where we all stared blankly at the TV screen wondering what this was going to mean in our lives. But on the army base across the country, Duane knew exactly what it would mean for him. It was going to mean that his life would change forever. I went about my life, and he went to fight in a war I barely knew existed.
I don’t feel guilt for the experience I had, and that I have not sacrificed what he has had to sacrifice. But, I need to be clear about a couple things. I’m not thankful for the circumstances that our country is in. I am not thankful that there is a war we are fighting that is so easy to ignore. I’m not thankful that families are torn apart and sacrificed for a murky mission where it’s unclear who this really benefits.
However, I am thankful for the men and women who day after day believe in something greater than themselves. I am grateful for those who understand that their dedication to their commitments and to their country is greater than their own ambition. I am thankful for the families that standby with bated breath just waiting for someone to come home.
So to all the other vets out there who served, thank you for being willing to stand and keep watch over all that we love and hold dear while the rest of us went on with our lives. Thank for acting, so the rest of us could go on believing that the war was all the way over there, and had nothing to do with us. Mostly, thank you for keeping each other safe, and for bringing my husband home safely to me. My life would not be the same without him, and his would not be the same without all of you.
